“Perceptions and Personifications”

Perceptions and Personifications

I think I have a crush on a city from my past.

I find that I think in its terms now.

I measure the effect of events in my life now by how they compare to what I felt with the hardships of those days.

Would sadness in paradise be any less? Yes.

Although far from paradise it was a nice imitation of a cheap vacation

And I can’t stop thinking about it

I view present moments of my life from eyes stuck in the distant environment I sauntered through in 2006

Strangely, new feelings have developed from that long and tumultuous encounter.

What was once a tedious recollection of events has evolved…

Now my perceptions are tinged with the accents particular to _________.

I can taste its morning sunshine on the hills sweet and clear when I awake here

The tanginess of its cool afternoons spinning through the valleys and into my days today tease me leaving a smile

Sharp bursts of heat and sweat coat my mind like the hot days there stuck in traffic with a slurpee and a the roof back, breaking the dull temperature of these stoic afternoons in a warm nostalgia

Once the busy nights there were so empty to me as I drove alongside crowds of cars alone in a familiar city

Now a canvas of mist lingering from an evening rain and lazing dreamily over the horizon of hills drenched with little stars hangs heavy over my dreams at night.

If only we could get a few “do overs” in life I’d fashion our introduction differently.

I insulted the city upon our first introduction and it holds quite a grudge I’ve learned.

It closed its doors,  locked its windows and spread the word like a bitter gossip about the new girl.

And round and round I went through loops and hills trying to get a chair before the music stopped.

Trying to find a place to rest for a moment and gather my courage for more.

Even the music pauses briefly in the game but not in ______.

How do you get out from under a bad sign?

The sad truth of a hundred days of failure is that for all of the regrets i don’t want to forget a moment under that city’s sky.

I search my mind now for more of its mornings and evenings and their smells and sounds, eccentricities of its environment.

Oh the fierce dominance of nature in all directions that was __________.

I miss it.

Like a misunderstood relationship I want to go back and try again…

What if it was all a misunderstanding on my part. And this time with humility and good will I approach that foreign world anew?

What if I live our new encounter like a friend not a competitor and I allow myself to think kindly about its inhabitants?

If I find virtue in its mountains and strength in its seas surely I can find the inspiration to engage its stormy society and calm a corner of its many chambers convincing it to submit its shelter to me and my family too.

If _________ personifies happiness perhaps someday I can perceive happiness, even live happiness, in its arms.

William Bougereau

When I was in college I first began to truly exercise my individuality. Probably more because I was increasingly alone than because I was a “late bloomer”. I began to take an interest in making the space that was mine my own and that meant decorating. Myself, my rooms, my car, everything. I realized that there were a number of opportunities to take to become my own individual. Working and going to school opened my mind to an ocean of tastes that I had for a long time left up to my parents.

In their absence I was able to redefine who I was not only in a spiritual but tangible all be it materialistic sense. Which led me to William Bougereau. being Catholic I had a strong sense of being cared for even when my parents or others weren’t around. So when I saw the paintings he’d made of angels and other ethereal creatures I was instantly a fan.

Some of the first paintings to cover the walls of my new apartments were L’inocence (the first picture which I still have today), The first Kiss( I used to have a copy of this don’t know where it ended up by still haven’t been able to find a replacement), and Le Cupidon (have a copy of this). Many people have taken the angel phenomena and made it gaudy and cheap, but something about Bougereau’s work maintains a quality and authenticity not found in other artists paintings. And as long as they aren’t framed in gold, spray-painted, plastic frames or printed on velour in flourescent, glow in the dark accents, I still love to look at the pieces. (lol)

I recently found a few I hadn’t seen before that I wanted to share. One, the one with a mother and child I posted along with a poem I wrote for my daughter.

Enjoy.